


The Lukewarm Place

by ilovewrighting



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Season/Series 01 Spoilers, Team Cockroach, eleanor keeps figuring it out, michael takes ethics lessons, mostly centers on the main 4 plus michael and janet, shawn and vicky mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-04-20 10:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14259315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovewrighting/pseuds/ilovewrighting
Summary: Eleanor found herself sitting on a firm, but somehow still lumpy couch, watching all of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, extended editions, in order, back to back. Tahani interrupted with commentary every so often about her one brief interaction with Elijah Wood. Apparently he had bumped into her, and very rudely neglected to apologize. Eleanor felt like her brain was melting.All of a sudden she stood up, “Oh my god,” She said, sounding shocked, and Chidi paused the movie. “This is the bad place.”





	1. What's your damage?

Eleanor found herself sitting on a firm, but somehow still lumpy couch, watching all of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, extended editions, in order, back to back. Tahani interrupted with commentary every so often about her one brief interaction with Elijah Wood. Apparently he had bumped into her, and very rudely neglected to apologize. Eleanor felt like her brain was melting.

All of a sudden she stood up, “Oh my god,” She said, sounding shocked, and Chidi paused the movie. “This is the bad place.” 

Michael’s head lolled back and he stared blankly at the ceiling, then closed his eyes to concentrate on not exploding with anger.

“It’s not possible,” Tahani said, dreamily

“Say whaaaat?” Jason intoned, cluelessly. 

“Think about it, since we got here Michael has done nothing but lead us to whatever tortures us the most.” Eleanor said, gearing up to present all of her evidence.

“Oh give it a rest,” Michael said, dejectedly. “Big deal, you figured it out again, surprise surprise. I’m doomed,” Michael said the last part mostly to himself, but Eleanor lowered her eyebrows suspiciously.

“Again?” She asked, demandingly, “Why are you so blase over there? Snap out of it dude, what’s your damage?” 

“My damage?” Michael repeated, getting up and getting in Eleanor’s face. “My damage is that some dumb self absorbed human keeps playing Nancy Drew, finding some stupid hole in the neighborhood and figuring out that this is really the bad place. What’s your damage Eleanor?” Michael huffed moodily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Nice pop culture reference,” Chidi said, appreciative yet surprised that Michael knew what Nancy Drew was.

“I am not a Nancy Drew! Plus, I’m not self absorbed anymore. Chidi is teaching me to be good!” She said, pointing back at her mentor.

“Let’s all calm down,” Chidi said, “I feel a stomach ache coming on.”

Tahani and Jason seemed to be at a loss. “So we’re all really in the bad place?” Tahani asked, still not traveling as fast as the others.

“So let me get this straight. I keep figuring out that we’re in the bad place, so… then what?” Eleanor questioned Michael sassily, opting to just ignore Tahani for the time being. Eleanor didn’t think she could stand to explain this all to Tahani’s beautiful face while Michael was busy making their lives miserable.

“I wipe your memories every time and start over,” Michael said honestly.

“So if we keep figuring it out, then what are you going to do? Keep throwing us back in? Starting over?” Chidi asked.

“I can’t do that forever,” Michael suggested, “I have an underling who desperately wants to see you four tortured. You know, Vicky, from the all you can eat tofu buffet? She threatened to tell my boss if we didn’t succeed on this last reboot. Now I’m not sure what to do.” He said honestly.

“How does she want to torture us? What if we let her think it’s working and we buy some more time to figure out a plan. I’m not convinced on partnering up with a demon, but I guess we’ll see.” Eleanor suggested “But you have to help us for us to help you. Otherwise we let your little munchkin call your boss and rat you out. Capiche?” Eleanor asked

The demon nodded “What do you want?” Michael asked

“You have to take good people lessons with me and Chidi.” Eleanor said, proudly

“Wait what?” Chidi was surprised that ethics classes were Eleanor’s stipulation.

“Technically, I’m not people,” Michael said back, “Kinda like how Janet’s not people. But different,” and Janet suddenly appeared. 

“Did someone call for Janet?” Janet asked, popping in

“I was just saying how I’m not people. Technically. I’m a demon.” 

“I’m not people too!” Janet said with a bright smile.

“Yeah you’re telling me,” Eleanor said, rolling her eyes. Then her attention shifted to Chidi who seemed to be breathing deeply. “You okay, bud?” She asked “Talk to me, Chidi,” 

Chidi peeked one eye open, willing the whole situation to be a terribly bad dream. “I’m not sure this is our best bet. Why should we help a demon like Michael? Just so we don’t go get tortured in the real bad place? Then we’re using Michael as a means to an end, so our ethics lessons cancel out again.”

“Oh you’re so frustrating with your smart talk.” Eleanor said, grumpily. She paced for a moment, then stopped again. “But if Michael learns to be better and he stops torturing people then isn’t that really doing good?” She squinted up at the ceiling as if it had the answers. “Wasn’t one of those philosophers into like… it doesn’t matter what your intentions are, the only thing that matters is the outcome?” Eleanor asked, trying to remember what text had said those words. All the philosophers began to blur together sometimes.

Chidi’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Consequentialism?” He seemed to ponder it for a moment, his lips pursing. “I suppose that could be applied here…” 

“Stay with us, Chidi,” Eleanor said as Chidi seemed to sort of drift into a philosophical reverie. “Can we agree that helping Michael will do more good than bad?” 

“I suppose it’s logical that helping a very bad person become better is the best opportunity we have in this situation.” Chidi finally caved. “It would definitely do more good than allowing him to continue to dedicate his life to torturing people.”

“Yes! Going with my plan!” Eleanor cheered and Chidi rolled his eyes.

Michael eyed Eleanor up for a moment. “Alright, deal, I’ll take good entity classes with you and Chidi. Any other requests before we shake on our deal?” He asked.

“Nope. Just come to our philosophy nerds club and we will have a deal.” She extended her hand. 

Michael shook her hand and held on a little too long. “Let’s hope this works,” 

“Now, let me take a crack at this Vicky chick’s plan.” Eleanor said, always one to accept a challenge.

“Um excuse me?” Tahani asked then, looking like she was going to raise her hand and had then thought better of it. “Do Jason and I have to take good people lessons too?” She asked, her gaze shifting between Michael, Eleanor and Chidi.

“Which one of us are you asking?” Chidi asked, exasperatedly. 

Tahani wrinkled her nose a little, “I’m not quite sure, actually,”


	2. The Harm Principle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chidi teaches the whole gang about John Stuart Mill and Utilitarian ethics.

“Woo, great job today class!” Eleanor said, getting way more enthusiastic about these lessons than Chidi was. “Don’t forget to read the homework!”

Tahani, Jason and Michael packed up their materials and were heading out.

“Same time tomorrow?” Tahani asked

“Just like we do every day,” Chidi said, sounding a little strained.

“Get ready for ethics!” Jason said, cupping his hands around his mouth to sound like an announcer.

“See ya, humans,” Michael said with a stiff looking wave.

Chidi was rubbing his temples just thinking about having to pick up with their lessons again tomorrow. 

“So what’s on tomorrow’s agenda?” Eleanor asked. “... Chidi?” She asked, when he ignored her, clearly too caught up in his own mind to realize she had asked him a question.

They had been going at the lessons for a while now, and they had been actually beginning to get better. Chidi was starting to think that he was getting through to them, that they were making their way to really grasping the material and applying it to every day.

Then, today’s lesson on Utilitarianism had gone incredibly down hill.

.

“So John Stuart Mill was the protege of previous philosopher Jeremy Bentham. They came up with utilitarianism, but Mill perfected it. Utilitarianism seems to fall between some of these more strict rules. He thinks actions can be good and bad with different motives, plus the outcomes factor in.” Chidi was writing furiously on his blackboard. 

John Stuart Mill  
Jeremy Bentham  
Utilitarianism  
Harm principle

“Okay so he was about taking all of the factors into account? Not just intention and not just outcome?” Eleanor said, taking notes

Michael sighed. “So he's basically saying… who's to say? Classic humans. Finding middle ground is apparently a revelation to you guys.” 

Eleanor shushed him. “Go on, Chidi,”

“Well,” Chidi started, adjusting his glasses. “I think it's more about being aware of the effects your actions have. I think it's a very forgiving moral philosophy. It also covers a big problem Eleanor has with some of the more concrete philosophies. What about actions that fall in the middle?” 

“Yeah, like this one time I went out on a date with this guy because he was super fine, but I wasn't really into it.” Eleanor began, and Chidi rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Then he told me that his dad had just died and he was really upset, so I went on a few more dates with him to make him feel better. Was it good that I kept ordering shrimp cocktail? Probably not. But did he enjoy our time together? You bet your ash he did, I'm forking delightful.”

Chidi shook his head trying to process the story Eleanor was sharing. “Okay… yes. Kind of like that…” Chidi removed his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose. “But like a surprising majority of your actions, I still think that particular situation is morally ambiguous.” Eleanor opened her mouth to argue and Chidi added, “at best.” effectively ending the example. 

“So John Stuart Mill came up with the Harm principle. It states that your freedom as an individual can only be infringed upon if you are causing harm or infringing on another's individual freedom. So if you shout fire in a crowded movie theater and people rush the exits, some getting trampled and injured and there really is no fire, that's infringing on the rights of the other people in the theater.” 

“Woah woah woah,” Michael said, stopping Chidi’s explanation. “So if you think there is a fire and there is no fire then it's okay? But if you do it maliciously then that's bad? Doesn't that sound like the same theory as before?”

“Well, it's not quite that simple. If the person has malicious intentions and no one gets hurt, that's also morally ambiguous. I just think it leaves room for debate and for middle ground,” Chidi explained “which is why I hate this theory. I'm teaching it to you so we can then effectively throw it out the window.”

Eleanor slammed her notebook down “Well thanks for telling me before I took all those detailed notes! Sheesh.”

“All you did was doodle a stick figure with a word bubble saying “who's to say?” and you misspelled John Stuart Mill. There's no w in Stuart.” Chidi said, calling Eleanor on her complaint. 

“Say... isn't that kind of like what happened with you Chidi?” Michael asked, looking unassuming and curious 

“What do you mean?” Chidi asked

“I mean you always thought you were doing the right thing right? But your actions brought about so much harm and sadness that even all your good intentions couldn't balance them out.” Michael said, crossing his leg and looking at the board thoughtfully. 

Chidi took a deep calming breath. “I don't think we need to make specific allusions to my own life, thanks Michael,” he deflected. 

“Yo this is wild,” Jason said, looking like his mind was blown. “Do you think I'm here because I never had any intentions?” 

Chidi huffed exasperatedly. “Let's take a 5 minute break ok?” he loosened the top button of his button down “I need some air,”

.

“Why are you so happy?” Chidi asked, “Today’s lesson was a nightmare.” He began gathering up his books, sorting them into even piles.

“What? No it wasn’t. They’re getting better, but you have to remember, we’re all bad people, this is difficult for us, Chidi,” Eleanor patted him on the shoulder, “I really appreciate that you’ve been sticking with us, bud, I know we’re a handful.” 

Chidi laughed. “You could say that,” 

“Hey, you asked why I’m so happy?” Eleanor decided to be brave today

Chidi furrowed his eyebrows a bit, “Yeah?” 

“I have a new theory,” Eleanor whispered, bobbing her eyebrows dramatically at Chidi

Chidi turned his head to the side a bit and narrowed his eyes at her. “What theory?”

“Yeah, well, you know how I was right about being in the bad place? I have another idea that I think could be going on, but I want to run it past you.” She said, scandalously, “Michael’s been taking so well to this ethics training. Doesn’t it seem kind of… human to you? Everything has gone wrong from the beginning with Michael’s neighborhood, not only in the fake reality, but with me figuring it out. What if there’s really someone torturing him too? Like one of the other demons. I think if I go snooping, I could probably figure it out. Oooh it’s probably that tofu buffet bench Vicky!” 

Chidi blinked blankly at Eleanor.

“What?” Eleanor whined, “I know it seems far fetched but, hey we’re dead right, so what’s really the parameters for this, ya know?”

Chidi was starting to sweat and looking incredibly nervous. He began to pace.

“I don't really think that's a thing that could be happening.” he said eventually. Eleanor sat on the couch. 

“But listen, we're always arguing amongst ourselves. Didn't Michael say that was the point in the first place? That we would torture ourselves?” Eleanor bobbed her eyebrows, clearly having put a lot of thought into this theory. “So wouldn't it make sense to put an actual demon in with the 4 of us?” 

Chidi took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “I can't talk to you right now. Michael is making a mockery of my ethics lessons, you're more into the arguments than I am and I can't get rid of this stomach ache, it's just always here now.”

“Hey, sorry, I wasn’t trying to bug you. I think you’re kind of overreacting about what Michael said today in class. It wasn’t that bad.” Eleanor said, her hands raised in surrender

“Who are you to say? You don’t think anything is that bad! You stole shrimp cocktail by stuffing it down your bra the first night we met!” 

“Dude relax then, go take a rowboat out for some poetry or something.” Eleanor said, feeling annoyed that Chidi was being so nasty. She stomped over to the door, “I'm going out for some all you can eat tofu.” Eleanor slammed the door behind her and Chidi sunk to the couch, his head in his hands.


	3. On One's Own Two Legs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor has a chat with a friend to calm down and Chidi makes a breakthrough.

Eleanor stalked over to Tahani’s gorgeous mansion. She knocked on the door and waited, tapping her foot thinking about how bizarre this situation was becoming. 

“Eleanor,” Tahani opened the door, “Come in,” she said, almost pulling her inside. “would you like a sparkling water?”

“No thanks,” Eleanor said, dejectedly. “I think I came over to complain about Chidi, actually.”

Tahani clapped her hands together. “Ooh I love girlish gossip,” she laughed. 

Eleanor rolled her eyes. “He's just grinding my gears a little bit. I thought he wanted me to be into philosophy and now that I am he's acting like it's an inconvenience.” She sighed. 

Tahani nodded. “He has been acting a bit strange… a bit more nervous than usual. What happened with you guys?” she said, leaning forward, listening intently. 

“Ah it's kinda stupid. I just came to him with something and he was super not supportive, and that's being nice. He really shot me down,” she said, sighing. 

Tahani sniffed and thought for a moment before speaking. “Eleanor, I'm about to impart a sentiment that has gotten me very far in life. Men are often the most hurtful when they are scared.”

Eleanor furrowed her eyebrows. “You really think so?” she asked curiously. 

“Ugh, I know so. I've had many a rejected lad insult my beauty and if there's one thing I know it's that I'm actually quite attractive.” Tahani said, bobbing her eyebrows at Eleanor. 

Eleanor laughed “No arguments here, babe,” 

“Eleanor, I think if Chidi’s been acting weird then you're the best one to figure out what's up with him. You two are closer than any of us.” Tahani patted Eleanor’s knee comfortingly. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Eleanor said. “Close for friends, I guess.” she said, making friends sound like a dirty word. 

Tahani quirked her head at Eleanor, a little confused. “Let's go for a walk, my dear,”

They headed out into Tahani’s gorgeous labyrinth of a backyard. They walked around in the perpetual sunshine and Eleanor thought about Chidi, about whether or not she had feelings for him, whether or not he was right and there was no way one of the core four was a demon, no way Michael could be human. It was all so convoluted. 

“You look quite faraway Eleanor.” Tahani said, swishing her cocktail skirt around her. “I've known you usually to be very grounded,” she said, trailing off. 

“I feel a connection with Chidi, yanno?” Eleanor said, honestly with Tahani. “I don't think he feels it. Feels more like he thinks I'm bugging him. Like he's tired of spending all this time with me. Like it's my fault we’re fake soulmates!” Eleanor was getting exasperated. 

Tahani laughed her musical giggle. “If there's one thing I can relate to, it's not quite getting along with your fake soulmate, let me tell you.” she said, easily laughing with Eleanor. “Jason plays video games all day and expects me to clean up after him, feed him and pick out clothes for him like he's some mommy and me doll.”

Eleanor laughed. “Well, I'm glad to know I’m not on my own,”

“You know Eleanor…” Tahani started slowly. “I'm hesitant to say this… but I've been reading ahead in one of these philosophy books Chidi made us all bring home.”

“You, reading ahead?” Eleanor was surprised.

“It's one of those old white men with too many consonants in their name. Anyway he said something along the lines of “one must stand bravely on one's own two legs, otherwise one is simply incapable of loving.” and I think that it's probably what’s going on here with Chidi.”

Eleanor looked pensive. “Is that Nietzsche?” she asked rubbing her chin thoughtfully. 

“That's it! Yes! Anyway... I think although all of us are going through identity crises, Chidi is going through the worst. He spent his whole life dedicated to trying to be a good person and genuinely believing he was doing a good job.” 

“That's a good point…” Eleanor said

Tahani put her hand on Eleanor’s shoulder. “If Chidi is one thing, he's indecisive. But I still think that the more time he spends getting to know his new self, the more confident he will be?” Tahani shook her head for a moment, seeming to collect her thoughts.  
“But honestly I'm surprised a man as smart as Chidi is intimidated by your intellect instead of impressed by it. I know the rest of us are impressed with you.” she smiled kindly. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Eleanor said, dejectedly. “But I kind of lost some respect for him. I try really hard not to take it out on him when I’m mad or upset. It feels like I didn’t do anything wrong and he yelled at me for no reason.” She shook her head. “I just don’t think he’s who I thought he was,”

“Well, Eleanor, I don’t think you’re who I thought you were either. You have stayed possibly the most sensible out of us all throughout this entire nightmare. We’d all be lost without you. Especially Chidi.” Tahani said, seriously.

Eleanor stopped and looked up at Tahani. “You really mean that? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better? Because either way it's working.” she laughed then, and hugged Tahani. 

“Oooh! Thank you, Eleanor. I thought you weren't a hugger.” Tahani laughed

“I'm usually not,” Eleanor confirmed.

.

Chidi paced around Eleanor’s living room, so anxious he felt as though the clown paintings’ eyes were following him as he walked. Could Eleanor be right? Could Michael be human? Could someone in the neighborhood or even in the core 4 be a demon, torturing Michael and the others? The questions swirled in Chidi’s mind, never stopping.

Chidi scooped up a few philosophy texts and went out Eleanor’s front door, down to the dock nothing but his books in hand. Chidi walked a ways down the shore until he found a little shady spot where he could sit and lean against a large tree. He plopped his stack of books down on the green grass and made himself comfortable. 

Opening a Kant text, to one of his favored passages, Chidi tried to relax. He told himself if he looked, maybe he could find something useful. There had to be something in here about what it means to be innately human. The meaning of life, perhaps. There had to be something that would convince him that Michael was not, in fact, human.

The farther into meaning Chidi read, the more morose he became. Kant was unhelpful, bitter, and desperately bouncing off of Hume’s ideas. Hume was even more complex, arguing that there is almost no possibility of an objective morality. Hume argued that everyone creates their reasoning as a direct result of their passions and desires. Everyone is only out for themselves and morality is subjective at best. If that didn’t sound like Michael, Chidi didn’t know what would.

Chidi put the books down for a moment, snapping them shut abruptly. He looked out along the water. He wondered if this was real water he was seeing. He was sure that so many of these constructs within the neighborhood had been an illusion. Now, he wasn’t sure anything he was feeling was real. 

Except for his pesky stomach ache. Every moment, it felt as though his insides were trying to make him feel guilty all at once for all of the ignorant wrong doings he had perpetrated during his time on Earth.

“Janet?” He called into the abyss. 

“Hello, Chidi,” she said, popping up a few feet in front of Chidi. “What can I do for you today?” she asked, her hands crossed over her midsection politely. 

“Do you want to sit for a minute?” He asked, scooching over so she could lean against the tree.

“Sure,” She said excitedly, moving to sit next to Chidi. “My physical form is a projection so it does not get tired, but I can see why humans find it relaxing.” 

Chidi chuckled a little. “Okay, Janet, so you’re almost all knowing right? About the neighborhood at least?” He asked

“That’s right! I’m like your neighborhood library.” She said excitedly.

“Wonderful. So can you tell me what the human population is of this neighborhood?” Chidi asked, curiously. 

Janet looked as though she thought for a moment. She shook her head, no. “Access Denied. The file says I don’t have security clearance to access that information.” 

Chidi furrowed his eyebrows. “Security clearance?” He repeated, confused. “Why would the human population numbers be classified…” He wondered out loud.

“That’s a good question, Chidi. Maybe we should ask Eleanor. She is the one who keeps figuring it out after all.” Janet said trying to be helpful.

“Keeps?” Chidi asked. “I know Michael said we’ve done this over 800 times but… is she the only one who’s figured it out?” he asked. 

“Jason figured it out only once. Other than that, Eleanor has always been the first to announce that she had figured it out.” Janet replied

Chidi paused, thinking hard and tapping his foot anxiously. “So if one of us really is a spy how would we figure it out? How would we know that they’re a demon and not a human? Or a human and not a demon?” He murmured, almost to himself as Janet looked on, curiously.

“You would need some sort of test or challenge.” Janet said, after a moment.

Chidi stopped his foot tapping for a moment. “A test…” He repeated, his eyes growing wide with excitement. “That’s it, that’s just what we need. Janet you’re a genius.” 

“Technically I’m a highly adapted artificial intelligence specializing in replicating human behavior, but thank you,” She corrected him.

“Say Janet… Do you think you would be able to help me administer a Turing test?” Chidi asked suddenly


	4. Time to Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visit from Shawn puts Chidi's ethics lessons on hold.

“Alright guys. Sorry to interrupt our regularly scheduled Chidi,” Michael said, standing up in Eleanor’s living room, Team Cockroach gathered around him, “But Shawn is coming for another visit, so Tahani, you and Jason are going to throw a party tonight. Everyone has to look satisfyingly tortured.”

“Chidi should have no problem with that,” Eleanor muttered.

“So we need to focus up and put together a party that everyone is going to hate.” Michael said.

“But… how can I plan a party in the hopes of it being boring?” Tahani looked like she was incredibly lost. “I simply couldn’t.” She says.

Chidi rolled his eyes. “Whenever you’re done being a princess, maybe Michael can tell us how the rest of us will be tortured,” he said.

“Great! Thank you Chidi, great question,” Michael replied. “I came up with some great ones, okay, Jason, you put your finger in the frosting on the cake right before Tahani unveils it. She gives you the silent treatment for the rest of the party.”

Tahani scoffed and Jason exclaimed “Cool!!! Just like my 25th birthday!”

Michael ignored Jason. “While this is happening, Eleanor, you’re going to have a more embarrassing moment. You’re going to trip, fall and get covered in shrimp cocktail sauce, while Chidi, you spend the whole night wondering which of the items to pick from the buffet.” Michael said.

“Excuse me,” Chidi said, “But I wouldn’t spend the whole night transfixed over the buffet, that’s not how it happens. I love buffet’s. You can have everything you want and you’re not tied down to any particular choice. You can change your mind at any time, it’s brilliant.”

Michael raised his hands. “Well, see what you can do for me, Chidi. All else fails, just fight with Eleanor, you guys are so good at fighting and looking miserable together.” Michael suggested.

“Just be yourself, Chidi, you’ll be fine,” Jason said and the others laughed. Chidi folded his arms in annoyance.

“Whatever.” Chidi said and got up. “I’m going back to my apartment to get changed. Anything else I need to know? Or just continue to be my normal annoying nervous self?” He asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Nope, that’s good,” Tahani said pleasantly. “See you tonight, remember to be fashionably late.” she called as he stomped from the room.

“He is annoying as shirt.” Eleanor said, slumping down on the couch.

“Tell me about it,” Jason said.

“Why do you think he’s annoying?” Eleanor asked, confused as Jason sat next to her.

“I don’t, you do. And then I asked you to tell me more,” Jason explained as Eleanor rolled her eyes.

“Okay, so just everyone make sure to look like you’re being tortured. But remember, you still have to look like you’re trying to seem like you’re in total bliss.” Michael said, suavely.

“Got it,” Tahani said. “Putting on multiple levels of motivation is my specialty,”

“Oh come off it,” Eleanor said dejectedly.

“Yes, Eleanor perfect, channel that energy for tonight,” Michael said. “I have other things to set up and attend to but Janet will stay here to help. And if you need me, please just work through it without bothering me. See you later, humans!” He said and quickly exited Eleanor’s little home.

Eleanor sighed. “Alright I have to get ready. Don’t you have a whole party to plan?” Eleanor asked and Tahani scoffed.

“It’s supposed to be a poorly planned party, I can’t put that much effort into it. I used to have party planning down to a complete science back on earth,” Tahani said “But okay, we’ll be off so you can get ready.” She held Jason by the arm and waved goodbye to Eleanor. She shuffled Jason out the door and turned back, whispering to Eleanor, “Keep your head up,” and winking over her shoulder.

Eleanor smiled as the door closed behind them. This was hell after all, but I guess even in hell, good company was just plain good company. Tahani could be grating but she definitely had some admirable qualities.

Eleanor stood in front of the mirror frowning at herself. She changed into a few different outfits, hating each and every one as much as the last.

“Now I'm just being nitpicky on purpose.” Eleanor said to herself.

She ended up with a cute polka dot dress and some flashy black pumps. Eleanor twisted her hair into an up-do and pulled a few wispy strands down around her face. “That’s about as good as it’s gonna get,” She muttered to herself. Winking in the mirror, she turned and headed for the door. Maybe she could actually let loose and have a little fun tonight before her elaborate staged fall into the shrimp cocktail sauce.

As she exited her home, she saw a figure move in the darkness.

“Hello, Eleanor,” A monotone voice came out from the silence and Eleanor gasped.

“Jesus, sneak around much, Chidi?” Eleanor asked snarkily.

“Sorry,” He muttered, “Didn’t mean to scare you,” He said. “Just figured it’d look weird if we didn’t go in together to Tahani’s party.” Chidi explained.

“Sure dude.” Eleanor said, walking ahead. Chidi watched her, transfixed for a moment and then followed her into the darkening night.

.

Eleanor and Chidi entered the party, looking around for Tahani and Jason.

“I don't see them,” Chidi said. “Where are they?”

“Oh I forgot to tell you,” Eleanor said, catching Chidi’s attention. “I'm a mind reader so I totally have the answer to that question.” she said and stomped to the bar.

“Let me get a glass of white wine.” she said, barely looking up.

“What's wrong Eleanor?” Janet asked as she poured Eleanor a sparkling glass of chardonnay.

“Everything. It's sad when the thing I'm most looking forward to tonight is falling in a giant vat of shrimp cocktail sauce.” she muttered.

Janet handed Eleanor the wine. “Anything I can do to help?” she asked.

Just then Shawn walked through with Michael. “This all seems to be going well.” Shawn said to Michael.

“Yep. Everything is totally going according to plan. No mishaps here!” Michael said nervously.

“Man,” Eleanor muttered to Janet. “Do you ever feel like for a demon, Michael is like, super bad at lying?” she asked.

“I'm not really sure what makes one a good or bad liar.” Janet replied. “The concept kind of confuses me.” she said with a bright smile.

“Of course.” Eleanor replied, sipping on her wine. “Thanks Janet.”

Later, as Eleanor stepped up to give a speech Tahani was inviting her up for, she tripped and tipped over the giant bowl of shrimp cocktail sauce.

Michael looked gleeful and looked to Shawn’s stoic face for approval.

“This is the most proud of you I have ever been, Michael.” Shawn said, quite monotone.

“Really?” he asked

“No, not really. This is amateur hour stuff. I'm not convinced I shouldn't take control of this project.” Shawn said.

Chidi took that opportunity to insert himself into the situation. “Oh, darling, why don't we get you home and get you cleaned up?” Chidi asked patronizingly.

“Get the fork off me dude.” Eleanor jerked her arm away, throwing Chidi off balance. He wobbled for a moment, sliding on a little bit of cocktail sauce, and then fell face first down into the cocktail sauce pit.

Everyone laughed as Tahani watched on. She knew it was all torture but it still pained her to watch the real tension between Eleanor and Chidi.

“How do you always manage to mess everything up?” Chidi asked, wiping horseradish from his glasses.

“Me?” Eleanor shouted. “You're the one who butted your stupid face into my problem. This had nothing to do with you.” she argued, throwing more cocktail sauce in Chidi’s face.

“Hmm. Now this is getting good.” Shawn said, the faintest hint of a smile on his face.

Michael watched on, unable to tear his eyes away from the scene.

“Ungrateful! If I had to describe Eleanor Shellstrop in one word, I would pick ungrateful.” Chidi said, getting up and storming out of Tahani’s beautiful mansion.

“Oh yeah?” Eleanor called after him. “Well yours would be… mean!” she said.

“Wow, nice.” Shawn said to Michael. “They fight like that often?” he asked.

“Oh pff, all the time. I have them at each other's throats.” Michael said, winking at Shawn.

Tahani rolled her eyes. “Can you handle being host for a little bit Jianyu?” she asked, pointedly.

“Sure, home boy.” he said, smiling.

Tahani widened her eyes, pointedly at him. “Oh, I mean,” Jason shut his mouth and silently bowed to her. Tahani rolled her eyes and followed Eleanor’s cocktail sauce footprints out to her back porch.

“Hey you,” Tahani said, coming to sit next to Eleanor. “How about we skip out on tomorrow's ethics lesson and have a little girl's day off, hmm?” she asked.

“You would really wanna spend the whole day with me?” Eleanor asked, a little skeptical. “You're just being nice because Chidi’s being mean to me.”

“No Eleanor, this has nothing to do with Chidi. I just want to give us some time to relax. Maybe we can do a little spa day and watch some movies and talk about girl things.” Tahani suggested, looking a little far off.

“Yeah? That sounds kind of nice...” Eleanor said. “I could definitely use a day off from ethics training.” she said

“It's decided then!” Tahani clapped a hand on Eleanor’s back. She leaned in then, whispering to Eleanor. “Don't let him get under your skin. Remember what I told you. We all count ourselves lucky to be stuck here with you Eleanor.” she said, gently.

“Aw, you big, beautiful giraffe, thank you Tahani.” Eleanor said, leaning in for a hug.

.

Meanwhile inside, Jason was wreaking some havoc in the party. “Janet,” Jason called. “Can I have a chocolate fountain?” he asked.

“Are you quite sure that's the best way to avoid looking suspicious, Jason?” Janet asked

“Oh...What if I promise to look really sad while eating all the chocolate covered stuff?” Jason asked, looking hopeful again.

“Okay, sure.” Janet said, conjuring a small chocolate fountain. “I do not foresee any way in which this can go wrong from here.” she said.

“Thanks, Janet!” Jason said, going to town, dipping fruit, cookies, even his fingers into the chocolate fountain.

Only a moment later, Michael was right next to Jason. “What are you doing?” He whispered to Jason. “Where did you get that ridiculous thing?” He demanded

“Hi,” Janet popped up. “How can I be of service?” She asked.

“Get this thing out of here, now,” Michael said, exasperatedly.

“Sure thing, Boss,” Janet said, and the chocolate fountain disappeared. Jason, whose fingers were currently in his mouth, whined.

“Why?” He asked, sounding like a tired toddler. “I just wanted some chocolate, why can’t I have it?” Jason asked.

“We will talk about this later,” Michael said, sternly.

“No, I wanna talk about it now,” Jason whined again.

Michael leaned into real close. “See that man over my shoulder with the face that never changes?”

Jason glanced over Michael’s shoulder and nodded.

“He’s a bad man, trying make sure you guys go to the real bad place,” Michael explained in a whisper. “Remember?”

“Ohhh.” Jason whispered back. “That’s him?”

“Yes, so just pretend to be miserable for the rest of the party, do you think you can manage that?” Michael asked

“Sure, home dog,” Jason said, smiling brightly at Michael.

Michael shook his head and went back over to Shawn.

“Did I just see a chocolate fountain over there?” Shawn asked when Michael returned.

“What? A chocolate fountain over there? Pff, no.” Michael said.

Shawn looked around. “You’re trying to hide something from me. I can tell. It’s quite obvious actually, now that I think about it,” He said.

“Look, Shawn, this isn’t what it looks like,” Michael said, his hands raised. “It’s just that my Janet has been malfunctioning a little bit. I don’t think the real good place Janet likes it down here too much. You get my drift, amigo?” Michael suggested. “She keeps bringing up the wrong things, you know, chocolate fountain when we asked for a flaming bear trap, that sort of thing,”

“Your Janet is malfunctioning?” Shawn asked, surprised. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner. I must stay until you’ve resolved these issues.”

“That’s not really necessary,” Michael laughed, “They’re very small malfunctions. Did I say she _keeps_ bringing up the wrong things? It’s only happened a few times…” Michael diverted.

“I won’t take no for an answer. I’m moving into your neighborhood until I can get to the bottom of what’s making Janet malfunction.” Shawn said.

Michael wrung his hands for a moment. “Great!” He said. “You really don’t mind?” He asked.

“Of course not,” Shawn smiled again. “Other than that chocolate fountain, everything has been looking super torturous so far. Good work, Michael.”

Shawn turned to leave Tahani’s party and Michael was still awestruck that Shawn would be moving into the neighborhood for the time being. “Thanks…” He muttered to himself, wondering just how he would get himself out of this mess.

“Janet?” Michael called, as Shawn left.

“Yes, Michael?” She popped up, smiling brightly.

“We have a really, really big problem.” Michael said.


End file.
